Season of Spring: February 2- May 5
Element of WOOD

The Archetype of THE WARRIOR

Cleansing the liver, speaking with honesty, adjusting direction

Compassionate Truth

February 4th marks the beginning of three months of Wood, the energy of Spring. In the five element traditional, Wood is the Warrior – the hero of truth and justice, the speaker of integrity. The archetype of the Warrior is a champion of honesty and integrity. The first six weeks of Wood, February 4 through March 21, is called Yin Wood - it is the feminine energy of the element. This energy is mostly concerned with equality, fairness and integrity. It is the ability to speak the truth with compassion. And each of our personal evolutions require honesty from others. We are so often blind to our own faults, or where our words are out of integrity with our actions. Without someone lovingly and kindly pointing these things out to us, we may find ourselves one day in the midst of a crisis, brought on by our blind spots, and wondering "how the hell did this happen?" If we have friends and family who are willing to speak compassionate truth to us, and we can stay open to receiving that truth, our evolution can accelerate dramatically.

Let's look at the history of speech and conversation. In his groundbreaking book "An Intimate History of Humanity", author Theodore Zelden traces the art of conversing. Up until the Renaissance, “conversation” was generally nothing more than proclaiming one’s obedience and loyalty. Etiquette books for courtiers advised them to concentrate on defending their reputation, with military metaphors to guide them in fortifying their pride: form alliance, use words as weapons and insults as ammunition against your rivals; show your strength by your readiness to accept confrontations, to start a quarrel, to employ bluff. You can see how this type of language has continued in the male dominated worlds of politics, religions, acadamia and science. Language is a weapon, something to use to get ahead or destroy your rivals. Indeed, over my 20 years of private practice, I have seen a number of examples of marriages where the man used language like a rapier, to prove his wife’s ignorance and lack of intelligence. Rather than seeing her as having a different kind of intelligence, he insisted that she was simply not his equal. Needless to say, those marriages were unhappy and unequal partnerships.

During the Renaissance however, women changed conversation into an art form. Madame de Rambouillet invented the salon, a place where small groups (12 to 24) of people were invited not because they had interesting things to say, but because in the salon, they said them even better. It didn’t matter your social status, your wealth, or your education – if you were interesting and could converse well, you were on the list. Horace Walpole, who was horrified by free thinkers, nevertheless became devoted to Madam’s salons because he discovered that however much men might dislike the pretentiousness of other men, "the presence of intelligent women whom they wished to please transformed normally unconformable meetings into exhilarating encounters".

A new form of communicating with words was born, and with it the promise of evolution. By questioning each other and examining their prejudices, dividing each one of these into many parts, finding the flaws, never attacking or insulting, but always seeking what they could agree to between them, moving in small steps from one agreement to another, they would gradually learn what the purpose of life was. This seemed to provide a model of bringing the "other" to a place of "similar". Rather than focusing on differences, salon environments allowed for the process of how someone arrived at their cherished beliefs, and gave a structure in which change was encouraged and safe.

While the model of the Salon brought hope to the art of conversation, it quickly became a stagnant environment. Salons kindled conversations between great minds, but was restricted to those of the same class. Without the ability to cross the class barriers, conversations became competitions of brilliance. Authenticity bled away, and evolution slowed. Language returned to an art form meant to create distance - listen for five minutes to a lifetime academic droning on and on about something you don't understand, and you will realize his/her purpose is NOT to make you understand, but to prove the prowess of their language skills.

Conversation demands equality between participants. During the intense political circus of 2012, we see little true conversation – mostly we see posturing and using words as weapons, or to try to create illusion. What will it take for us to move to the next Renaissance, a time when we can experience language as an authentic exchange, helping us to understand each other and cut some slack in our judgments?

I love Theodore Zelden's work so much that when I started writing this, I was reading AIHOH for about the 4th time, and I decided to see if I could send him an email to tell him how much I admired his work. Lo and behold, I found this amazing website called The Oxford Muse. The whole site is dedicated to evolving our method of conversation. He says, "The world is filled with polite, shy, inscrutable, unintelligible, tight lipped, superficial, dishonest and also honest people who for one reason or another do not say what they think. The search for freedom of speech has barely begun. Many do not reveal their thoughts because they are not sure what they think. Many would be braver in their speech if they were more certain of a sympathetic hearing. Many, particularly in places where success depends on conformity, are schooled to be hypocrites. The hidden thoughts in other people’s heads are the great darkness that surrounds us.

Illuminating that darkness could be the great adventure of our new century, both through brain and cognitive science which have suddenly made enormous strides in unraveling the processes of thought, and through changes in our habits. Our attitude to free communication is still shaped by the Enlightenment which believed that superstition and prejudice were the main obstacles to clear thinking and that education and legislation were enough to liberate it. But understanding the implications and motivations of what others say is still a challenge. We need a second Enlightenment to penetrate the many darknesses that remain."

I believe that each of us yearns to be a more authentic person. Each of us longs to see where we are out of integrity, where our conscious and subconscious are disconnected. But if, at a tender age, we found truth told to us with judgment, or jeering, or in some way painful, then hearing the truth may be a painful experience for us, and rather than lead to evolution, can at times cause us to shut off external feedback. (This is especially true for sensitive creatives - in their teens they are highly susceptible to heartless criticism, and this can lead to isolation as they age). As we become older and more comfortable in our own skin, we can practice with people we love and trust to share feedback. I respect those of my friends who are willing to tell me if they think I am acting less than honorably. Many of us, when under stress, fall back on subconscious responses to situations that are not necessarily our highest choice when we see clearly. Under pressure, our vision can become cloudy and we may find ourselves walking an old pattern. How splendid to have a loved one say, "darling, is this really what you want to be saying/doing? Or is there something going on that is causing this behavior?" With a little encouragement and kind feedback, we can adjust our direction (which is the Warrior's job) and get back on the track of our highest choice.

So I challenge you all to become part of the renaissance of human understanding. I challenge you to speak the truth with great compassion to those you love, helping them see where what they say and what they do are out of alignment. Commit to speaking with people you may disagree with, looking for the things you have in common, and find out why someone thinks the way they do. I challenge you to open yourself up to compassionate truth telling from others, to be open to being contradicted, to have your mind – if not changed – then expanded. I challenge you to become part of the Renaissance of conversation that is taking place across the globe. Step outside of your history. Step beyond your ideas of “other”. Go to the Oxford Muse and check out the amazing stuff they are doing to promote and activate this renaissance. And walk away knowing that every small exchange between two humans done with kindness and interest can grow into a global phenomenon.